Blessed be that intrepid innovator who first selectively severed the common glove, unfettering our thumbs and fingers to flourish in the open air. Lauded are those early Dickensian adopters, who declared fingerless gloves’ utility as they swept chimneys, or made such defiant statements as “Please, sir, I want some more!” Thanks to these handheld devices of fashion—available in leather, lace, felt, fleece, faux fur, Spandex, and plain old wool—never will our species be forced to choose between having warm hands OR posting to our preferred social media! Nor must we impotently rub our hands together to continue writing code, a novel, or a blog post in our underheated loft apartments! And nevermore shall we be burdened by the constant removal and replacement of our gloves as we rush in and out the doors of our charming country homes—chopping wood, building a fire, making art, pouring a drink, cooking dinner, walking the dog, watching a movie, and tossing salt on the front steps before the next snowstorm arrives sometime before dawn tomorrow. Ever the equalizers, fingerless gloves are brandished brazenly by the tragically hip, the nicotine inclined, the stalwart multitaskers, the commuters doomed to long periods behind the wheel in bad weather, the possibly arthritic, and the dwellers of drafty homes alike—providing a potent point of reference to cumulate these contrastive communities. Shiverers of the world, unite, and place function firmly over form! Unencumber thine digits, and spurn winter’s cruel incursions against our dexterity!